how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
