Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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