I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
