this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
