Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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