So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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