I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
operation harelip BJ is a go
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
