She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
