I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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