i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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