i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
