Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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