I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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