According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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