it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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