You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
