i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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