do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
