is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
