I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
