is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
