Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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