I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
