The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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