i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
