Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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