i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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