i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
