ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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