Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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