i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
