Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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