He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
