we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
