you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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