i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
