my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize