Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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