i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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