Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
