dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just googled if crying burns calories
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
