That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
