I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
