I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
