I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Bring me that man meat
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
