Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
