hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
