Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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