I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
