At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
