Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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