i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize