dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
where am i from again
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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