you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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