Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think my vagina is haunted
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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