i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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