I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
