Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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