dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
