i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
