I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
