Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize