he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
