And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
