That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
