my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
