I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish you could order shots online.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
