4 words: hood of his car
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
