where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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