It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
