Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
