nut hugger
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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