You're earring is so big in my mouth
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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