i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
