1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I could fuck to npr.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
