fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
