Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
