I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can you bring me the toilet please
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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