Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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