dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
