I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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