I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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