i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
