I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize