we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
