We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
