I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
