were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
