My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
