So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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