Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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