Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
