i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
