guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
