I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
