dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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